Think about your child as she is about to graduate from high school. What do you want her to be like? What will her values be? What kind of skills will she have? Will she be ready to tackle the world? Last October I met a teen who blew my mind. I started talking to her at a camp I was attending. She was there as Staff for the roughly 8 - 13 year olds. At dinner, I asked her if she knew where she was headed. She told me she was really into music (what teen isn’t?) and that she would love to study it more in-depth. I could not have predicted what came next. “I’m really interested in native … [Read more...]
I’m Not a Swim Coach, I’m a Life Buoy
I know I shouldn't do it. I know that every person is uniquely gifted. I know I should love my child for who she is, and not compare her to other kids. Buuuut... I can’t help myself. We’re hard-wired to compare ourselves (and our kids) to others. And with developmental timelines so prevalent at pediatricians’ offices and in parenting books, it’s no surprise that I am constantly comparing my daughter’s development with “standard” growth and with other kids I see. And when she “measures up” I breathe a sigh of relief. I might even mentally pat myself on the back if she’s ahead of the … [Read more...]
Desperation to Bliss With 7 Magical Words
It was past SweetPea's bedtime, and I was fuming. I had a mile-long to-do list to tackle, but despite my best efforts, I just could not get her to go to sleep. She wasn't fussy, she wasn't defiant. She just wasn't ready to let her mama go for the night. I tried to calm myself. I tried being grateful. I thought about how I could rearrange my tasks to get the most pressing things done. None of it was making me feel better. And I'm sure SweetPea picked up on my frustration and anxiety, further making it difficult for her to sleep. As I lay there getting more angry and feeling guilty about … [Read more...]
Can Kids’ Misbehavior Be An Opportunity To Connect?
What do your kids do that drives you crazy? Do they whine, refuse to come with it's time to leave the playground, argue over who's turn it is to take out the trash? How do you handle these behaviors? Does this restore good feelings to everyone, or do you all feel worse afterward? The good news is we can influence whether we are more connected after a conflict. People are hardwired to see people as either threats or allies. When we try to control (through punishments, bribes, comparisons, false praise) our kids perceive us as a threat. They may go along with us to avoid the … [Read more...]
The Prickly Path of Parenting
Yesterday I was walking up the mountain at my sister's house, with SweepPea in the Ergo. Coming back down, I tripped in a spot that was covered with a prickly, thistle-like plant. I had tried to go around the prickles, but the vegetation was hiding a pile of loose rocks that made the steep slope even more treacherous. I lost my footing and came down on my left knee, a rock jammed into the soft spot below my kneecap. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to make it down the mountain at first. I breathed into the pain, and eventually it subsided enough that I tentatively tried a few shaky steps. … [Read more...]