How many times have you been with a group of kids and seen one snatch a toy from another? Or had your kids shriek "She's not sharing!" What's the best way to respond? Maybe we snatch the toy away and give it back to the person who had it first. Or we try to pressure our kid into sharing. "Give the toy back to Molly or we will have to leave." "Look how nicely Milo is sharing." Maybe we even put the toy away so no one has it. Unfortunately, none of these actually teach kids how to share. Instead, forcibly taking toys from kids, shaming them into giving them to others, or otherwise … [Read more...]
How to Handle Parent Mistakes with Compassion
Last night I blew it. Big time. SweetPea was nursing, and she bit me. At 10 months old, she has 8 knifelike teeth in her little mouth. Though she rarely bites, it sometimes happens when she is a little overtired. Usually I handle it by giving her a teething toy. But tonight I was just too tired to get up and get one from the living room. (I don't know about you, but my worst parenting moments always happen when I'm tired or desperately trying to get something done.) So I offered her a blanket to chew on. That seemed to do the trick; she chewed it for a few minutes, then came back to … [Read more...]
Can Kids’ Misbehavior Be An Opportunity To Connect?
What do your kids do that drives you crazy? Do they whine, refuse to come with it's time to leave the playground, argue over who's turn it is to take out the trash? How do you handle these behaviors? Does this restore good feelings to everyone, or do you all feel worse afterward? The good news is we can influence whether we are more connected after a conflict. People are hardwired to see people as either threats or allies. When we try to control (through punishments, bribes, comparisons, false praise) our kids perceive us as a threat. They may go along with us to avoid the … [Read more...]
3 Simple Ways to Help Kids Deal with Stress
People who experienced a lot of stress in the previous year had a 43 percent increased risk of dying. But that was only true for the people who also believed that stress is harmful for your health. People who experienced a lot of stress but did not view stress as harmful were no more likely to die. In fact, they had the lowest risk of dying of anyone in the study, including people who had relatively little stress. ~Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D. I've been mulling over this TED talk from Kelly McGonigal for days now. Everywhere I turn, it seems like someone is talking about how they need to reduce … [Read more...]
The Day I Stopped Spanking
I will never forget the look on his face. The look of utter betrayal, mixed with anger and confusion. The tears squeezing out from the corners of his eyes. I had just spanked Ethan for the first time. He was the first child I nannied for full-time. His parents spanked, and had encouraged me follow their lead for "consistency." He was just over a year old, and I had already been taking care of him for about half a year. Up to that point, I had been relied primarily on redirection, distraction, and positive reinforcement as my main disciplinary tools. But that day, he just … [Read more...]
The Prickly Path of Parenting
Yesterday I was walking up the mountain at my sister's house, with SweepPea in the Ergo. Coming back down, I tripped in a spot that was covered with a prickly, thistle-like plant. I had tried to go around the prickles, but the vegetation was hiding a pile of loose rocks that made the steep slope even more treacherous. I lost my footing and came down on my left knee, a rock jammed into the soft spot below my kneecap. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to make it down the mountain at first. I breathed into the pain, and eventually it subsided enough that I tentatively tried a few shaky steps. … [Read more...]
What I wish I knew about breastfeeding before I had a baby
I thought I was completely prepared for breastfeeding. I read the books, even attended a class. I knew that breastfeeding often doesn't come naturally, requiring learning from both mother and baby. I'd even seen The Magical Hour and let our birth team know that we were planning to let our baby take her time to find the breast on her own. But breastfeeding is complex. Expecting to be completely ready for it before baby is a bit like expecting to be fully competent at a new job the second you walk in. And we all know that's not the case! Here are some things I learned along the way that I … [Read more...]
It’s ok to nurse your baby to sleep!
I wish just one person had told me this when I was pregnant! I spent our early weeks with Sweet Pea lulling her to sleep with long walks, bouncing, and singing to her. I diligently tried to lay her down "drowsy but awake" only to have her pop awake and need to go through the whole process all over again. Exhausting. I began to dread nap time! Read almost anything about baby sleep (and nearly every new parent is busy looking for answers on sleep!) and the one nearly universal piece of advice is to not let baby fall asleep nursing. And it really is good intentioned advice. If baby falls … [Read more...]
Three Hours of Sleep
Wearily I roll over and check the clock. Three hours. Sweet Pea slept three whole hours! For most people with a 5 month old, three hours of sleep would be a major regression, but we'd gone on for almost two weeks with her waking up Every. Single. Hour. Three hours was a luxury! I'd given myself a two week deadline to wait out this latest sleep challenge before considering some form of (gentle!) sleep training, and she pulled through with two days to spare. I'm really not sure if I'd have actually turned to sleep training, or whether I would have waited some more, but giving myself … [Read more...]