Think about your child as she is about to graduate from high school. What do you want her to be like? What will her values be? What kind of skills will she have? Will she be ready to tackle the world? Last October I met a teen who blew my mind. I started talking to her at a camp I was attending. She was there as Staff for the roughly 8 - 13 year olds. At dinner, I asked her if she knew where she was headed. She told me she was really into music (what teen isn’t?) and that she would love to study it more in-depth. I could not have predicted what came next. “I’m really interested in native … [Read more...]
Reigning in Rebellion: The 4 R Method
There was a battle brewing. I was setting lunch on the table, and my daughter decided to sit in a chair other than her usual one. “Please move over into your chair,” I asked. “I want to sit here,” she replied. I explained that we were having soup and I didn’t want it to spill on the carpet, so I wanted her to sit on her own chair, which has a plastic mat underneath. I explained how much easier it would be to clean up spilled soup from the plastic mat than the carpet. My usually agreeable child looked at me and repeated, “I want to sit in THIS chair.” Oh, I thought. She wants to sit in … [Read more...]
I’m Not a Swim Coach, I’m a Life Buoy
I know I shouldn't do it. I know that every person is uniquely gifted. I know I should love my child for who she is, and not compare her to other kids. Buuuut... I can’t help myself. We’re hard-wired to compare ourselves (and our kids) to others. And with developmental timelines so prevalent at pediatricians’ offices and in parenting books, it’s no surprise that I am constantly comparing my daughter’s development with “standard” growth and with other kids I see. And when she “measures up” I breathe a sigh of relief. I might even mentally pat myself on the back if she’s ahead of the … [Read more...]
But What If They Run Into the Street?
Yesterday SweetPea and I were walking home, and she all of a sudden turned around and ran the other way. "Home is THIS way," I pointed. She paused, then continued running the other direction. "Stop!" I said firmly, but she continued on, giggling in anticipation of the chase. I was fuming. I would love to say that my anger was fueled by worry of her running into the street, but no; I was furious that she disobeyed. How DARE she blatantly defy me! With my blood boiling, I set of in a stern walk, determined not to make this fun by chasing her. Is Punishment Ever Justified? It seems … [Read more...]
Desperation to Bliss With 7 Magical Words
It was past SweetPea's bedtime, and I was fuming. I had a mile-long to-do list to tackle, but despite my best efforts, I just could not get her to go to sleep. She wasn't fussy, she wasn't defiant. She just wasn't ready to let her mama go for the night. I tried to calm myself. I tried being grateful. I thought about how I could rearrange my tasks to get the most pressing things done. None of it was making me feel better. And I'm sure SweetPea picked up on my frustration and anxiety, further making it difficult for her to sleep. As I lay there getting more angry and feeling guilty about … [Read more...]
Taking the Bite out of Toddler Aggression
I heard the shriek of pain from the other room. With a sinking feeling in my stomach, I raced out, knowing, just knowing, that my own little SweetPea had somehow injured little Alex. Few things make me feel more self-conscious than pushing, biting, snatching toddlers. Double the anxiety and embarrassment if it happens in public; nothing like all those eyes on me with their unstated expectations for me "do something" to control my kid! Last week was one of those times. I was babysitting twins and had taken Nicky into the bedroom for a diaper change, when all of a sudden, I heard … [Read more...]
My Favorite Parenting Books of 2015
I don't know about you, but one of the most significant changes after having a baby in 2014 was in how little time I had to read. I have always been a voracious reader, but unless you count all consults with Dr Google, I barely read at all the first six months of SweetPea's life. So my goal for 2015 was to read more. And I did. I went to the library, I reactivated my Kindle. I even asked for a few books for my birthday. It's a trend I hope to continue this year! Not surprisingly, a lot of what I read was about raising kids. So without further ado, here's the best of the parenting … [Read more...]
Say What You See: A Magic Tool for Parents
Nine magic words. That’s all it took to transform bickering brothers about-to-brawl into best-of-friend playmates. No finger-pointing from them. No yelling or threats from me. No arguing from any of us. Just a moment of golden silence before the older said, “Wanna play ninjas when we get home?” It all started with the after school pickup. (I don't know about you, but that time of the day seems to bring out the worst in everyone.) Brother #1: Look at the pumpkin mask I made at school. Brother #2: Oh that's what that is. I thought it was some sort of weird hat. #1: *sticks tongue out* … [Read more...]
How to Keep Your Kids Talking to You
Door Openers Last time we looked at common "door slammers" that shut down communication with our kids. Maybe you even jotted down some of your responses to the sample situations. If you’re like me, there probably wasn’t a whole lot left after you eliminated the door slammers! Most of us haven’t had great role models when it comes to listening. So what can we say to keep the conversation going? How can we talk in a way that builds trust and keeps our kids coming back to us? Keep it Simple Sometimes less really is more! By keeping your response to a minimum, you leave plenty of … [Read more...]
14 door-slammers that will make your kids stop talking to you
Would you ever slam the door in your hosts’ faces when they’ve invited you to dinner in their home? Of course not! That’s just rude. They’d hesitate before inviting you back, and they might even start to question their friendship with you. I encountered an emotional door-slamming earlier this week. I told my husband that I wanted to reschedule a trip. He has a project he’s been wanting to do that requires me and SweetPea to be away from home. Originally I picked a weekend off the top of my head, about two weeks away. As I started looking at what I wanted to do, I felt increasingly … [Read more...]